Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
