remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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