I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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