it hurts more in the daytime
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How does one acquire holy water?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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