In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize