I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
