Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
