i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hippo gnu deer
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
