how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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