..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
