I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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