Please, let me fuck your mom
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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