you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize