I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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