Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
