I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
