I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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