Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
