i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
