good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
