We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
