I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
