I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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