Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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