there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
