how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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