I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
being pregnant is like rehab
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
