You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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