"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
