sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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