I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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