I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
