Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
