is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
