I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
pray to the hookup gods
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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