Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
