fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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