I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
