Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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