Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
