i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
