Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
