i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
