I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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