I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
