Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
