you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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