they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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