i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
