really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
