margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
