Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
