how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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