i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
