her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
