Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
