The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize