NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
where are you?
Hypothermia
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
