Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
