Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
