No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize